Recently, I was given the gift of assisting a
loved one in her last days.  In this case, it
was my former mother-in-law.  She became ill
suddenly and her sons were unable to go to New
York at that time.  I do believe everything
happens for a reason, and it was a blessing for
all concerned that I was the one who was able to
leave right away and make the trip.

I am no stranger to death and dying, having
worked for several hospices.  I have also
experienced the loss of my parents and sister.
Each death and transition is unique, however.
Through this recent experience, I received
several gifts or lessons.  Each one of them
helped me as I went through this change with her.
 

So many of us are going through changes and
challenges in our lives right now.  Perhaps you
will find in my words and descriptions something
helpful in your current life situation.  That is
my intent in sharing this personal story.
You don’t need to be going through the death of a
loved one for these gifts of change to be helpful. 
These apply to any change or challenge.

Five Lessons for Living Your Best Life and Making
Change Easier

Celebrate the Mirror and Relax Into the Fullness
of Who You Are

Everyone on this planet is a mirror of you and
me, no matter what language they speak, what
neighborhood they live in, or what’s going on in
their lives.  Each person I saw and met on this
trip was a reflection of some part of me.  Now, I
already knew that intellectually, however, it
became more integrated into my being.  I think
this lesson was stronger on this trip because I
was involved in a very intimate journey, and my
senses and intuition were heightened.

Whether it was the nurse who was screaming when
Mom and I arrived at the nurse’s station on her
floor, frustrated that she was being sent “one
more” patient, or the other nurse, the one who
said a very compassionate goodbye to us several
days later when we left the hospital, both of
these women showed me parts of myself.  Any
quality you see in another, whether it’s one that
is usually considered “negative” or one that is
“positive” lives in each of us.

Although I don’t want to live in New York, in
this case Queens, I certainly do like the variety
of ethnicities and personalities you meet on any
given day. One day, I was riding in a cab from
Mom’s apartment to the hospital and the driver
was playing an Enya CD on a boombox that was
sitting on the front seat of his cab.  He was
from South America originally and had a beautiful
accent.  It was clear that he was truly enjoying
the music and that he had found a way to relax
into his job.  He was showing me how to “relax
into” whatever the situation is, to make the most
of it.  We shared some brief conversation, but
mostly sat listening quietly to the music and
soaking in the warmth of the sunshine through the
car windows.  Outside it was chilly and windy,
but inside, we were cozy and serenaded by music
that didn’t require a lot from us.

Another day I was in a neighborhood grocery and
noticed the impatience of the clerk, waiting for
me to sort through my jumble of coins in my purse
as I paid for some produce.  I looked into his
eyes and saw myself, and felt patience for him
and for myself.  I’m not sure if he picked up on
the patience coming from me.  That’s ok.  I was
glad I didn’t have to react to his impatience.

I think one of the people who touched me very
deeply was a woman who was in the bed next to
Mom’s in the hospital.  She seemed to have some
dementia and would fight with some of the nurses.
 She didn’t have any visitors that I could see.
I would joke with her on occasion and see her
beautiful smile and in those moments of
connection I experienced a deeper awareness of my
mortality.  I saw that this woman could be me, or
any one of us, given certain circumstances. 

The lesson of the mirror is also about people
reflecting back to us the beauty within us that
we sometimes forget we have.  We all have someone
who sees our light, and I don’t mean just God.
Rejoice that they see past our weaknesses, our
small and large transgressions, and are able to
bring out the best in us.  Thank God for these
angels of light, reflection and refraction.  We
all have so much to teach each other.  And the
more we can embrace the light and the shadow in
ourselves, the more we will be able to reflect
our beauty and light to others.

Where is “the mirror” happening in your life
right now?  What challenges are before you,
whether they are people or circumstances?  What
are you seeing that is about you, not them?
Remember, if you are having an issue with        
another person, the quality you don’t like in
the other person is also something you don’t
want to acknowledge and own as part of yourself.

Learn to Witness

Watching this woman in the bed next to Mom gave
me a different sense of being in what I call the
“witness” role.  That’s where you step back a bit
from a situation and look at it from a
less-attached perspective.  When I have a client
in my office, I often have them stand up and
physically step backwards from whatever situation
they are focused on.  I want them to see it from
the “outside.”

I practiced this during my 2 weeks in New York.
I wanted to see situations from a softer, more
compassionate place, and doing this helped me
accomplish that.  There was another roommate in a
different room on the second floor where Mom was
transferred in the hospital.  This one seemed to
have a more advanced dementia than the other.
She was very quiet compared to the other one.
She sat on the edge of her bed, picking at the
sheets.  There was a moment when I caught her
gaze and I felt I was looking into her soul.
There was some recognition in that moment, just
one soul to another.  I don’t think I would have
had that moment with her if I had been in my
usual role.

Learning to witness not only deepens your
compassion for others and for yourself, but it
also allows you to see your choices in
situations.  Sometimes when we are too “close” to
a situation, we don’t see all our options.  We
need to step back, take a breath and
intentionally soften our focus and see our
situation from a new and less attached position.

Is there a situation in your life that you could
benefit from viewing from a different
perspective?  Try stepping back with the
intention of stepping into “the witness.”
Ask God, your guides, or angels to help you
see your life from a new perspective.

Learn to Focus with Gratitude for Small Steps

I certainly teach my clients about the “baby
steps” theory–that you can get a lot
accomplished, and complete very overwhelming
tasks by just taking one step at a time.  I found
that while I was in the “crisis” and “care
giving” modes on this trip that it was just
natural to put one foot in front of the other and
to stay focused and present.

I think that’s something I’ve noticed over the
years with clients who are in the care giving
role.  They learn to focus well because it’s
required.  In my case, my job was to ensure that
Mom got the best care possible while in the
hospital, to advocate for less testing and then
to facilitate a discharge back home and get her
some hospice home care.  Certainly dealing with
hospital bureaucracy tested my patience at times.
 I also really trusted the process that was
unfolding.  I knew her end days were happening,
and I wanted to assist however I was called.

Watching her eat, really her last meals, was
enlightening too.  She hadn’t been eating all
that well at home, fixing herself very simple
meals and towards the end, less nutritious and
balanced.  Even though I wasn’t happy that she
had to spend a week in the hospital, I did see
that there was a silver lining in that “cloud”
for her.  She had some really good meals.  Now,
we don’t usually think of hospital food as
something to get excited about.  But Mom was a
good eater and she enjoyed eating.  And to her,
these meals were a joy, at least many of them.
She looked forward to seeing what was under the
covers as I revealed the contents of the plates
beneath.  Although she was unable to eat the
portions that were served, she did get a good
taste of everything on the plates.  She really
had to focus on each bite, and take “baby bites,”
smaller that she was used to.  And, for those of
you who have made meals for your families or
yourself for years and years, you know what a joy
it is to be “served” and to not have to cook or
do dishes!  I’m glad she got to be treated like a
“queen” in this way. 

I learned from watching her eat those last meals
the power of focus and appreciation.  Would it be
helpful for you to create a baby-step focus right
now?  Can you appreciate fully the little
successes you have and not worry so much on the
desired larger goal?  Might you enjoy the journey
more that way?

Learn to Appreciate

There was a man who cleaned the floors in the
hospital every day.  They were so clean looking
yet didn’t have an antiseptic smell.  It was
really refreshing and more pleasant to be there.
This was in great contrast to another floor in
the same hospital, where not only were the floors
less clean, but it had that hospital smell you
might expect. 

I told the man cleaning the floors how much I
appreciated the good work he was doing.  He
looked startled but pleased.  Such a small thing
and yet so necessary.  I wanted to let him know
that he was valued, and that someone noticed what
he was doing.  So often, we just overlook the
people who are doing work that is “expected.” 
We can overlook our own “expected” work too.

I learned to appreciate myself more.  I saw that
even though I was in a very stressful situation,
I was making choices to keep myself physically
strong–washing my hands at the hospital, taking
my supplements including ones that were
specifically immune-supporting, eating well,
taking walks, and getting rest.  Although I was
truly exhausted each day, I also felt supported
by God and by my trust in the process.

I also noticed so many small things I would
usually take for granted.  Many of those things
were people or events that made me smile or
laugh.  Whether it was the little boy in the
hospital who was singing a nonsensical but
hilarious song about bees in the winter trees
(actually this would make a nice title for a
song!), or the absurdity of some hospital
regulations and red tape, I made it a priority to
notice the humor around me.

Are you needing to slow down a little more to
more fully appreciate your life?
Who might you choose to appreciate for the tasks       
they do daily that you take for granted?  Have
you been giving yourself appreciation for the
positive choices you make for your overall
well-being?

Learn to Listen

One of my great lessons this past year has been
to learn to listen better to that “still, small
voice within,” and to give myself time to be
still, time to sit with God.  So often we are
“talking to” God, and we leave little room for
receiving guidance.

When a loved one is dying, especially when they
are going in and out of consciousness, it can be
challenging to hear what their needs are.  You
have to pay attention to body cues, and you can
also get a lot of information by taking that
still, quiet time.  That said, there were still
times when I was unsure what Mom needed, whether
she was in pain, and what the next best step
would be.  I would stop at those times, take a
deep breath, and reassure myself that everything
was in “Divine Order” and to trust the process.
I also took advantage of the support offered by
hospital and hospice personnel and asked lots of
questions.

When someone is dying, one thing I’ve learned is
that they can usually hear everything you say to
them, even if they may not respond in usual ways.
 The night Mom died, I knew her transition was
close.  I was listening carefully to her
breathing, for the signs of her impending
journey.  I sensed that she was engaged in cycles
of coming and going between this world and the
next.

Both of Mom’s sons were on their way, but neither
were going to make it before her final journey.
As she lie there, I knew she needed to hear
messages from them and from her granddaughter, a
final gift of love.  I whispered in her ear
loving words as well as the important message
that it was ok for her to go, and that we would
all take care of each other.  I wanted the last
thing she heard from us to be words of
appreciation.  Her raised eyebrow showed me that
she had heard and appreciated this meaningful
message. 

Are you taking time to listen to God?  Do you
feel like the “Lone Ranger” and you have to just
keep going and “doing” to make sure it all gets
done?  If you opened some time and your heart to
guidance, might your burden lighten?  Are there            
other areas where you could be a better listener?

Learn to Die

This was the best lesson of all.  I watched Mom
as she took her last breaths that day.  For a
good part of the time, she was doing cycles of
chain stoking, a kind of breath that the dying
do.  This is where you hear that raspy, rapid
breathing, and then you’ll have seconds where
there is no breath at all.

As she went through these cycles, she was also
going through another kind of letting go.  She
would have these active phases where she was
reaching out to what I imagine were loved ones in
spirit.  It appeared she was working very hard.
She was not fully conscious and had her eyes
closed.  Then, after a couple of minutes of this
more active physical state, she would let go,
release and her breathing would become more
still, just as her body would relax.  It reminded
me of those waves of pain and release that happen
when you have menstrual cramps.  It looked
exactly like that cycling, and each time she went
into the release and relax mode, I found myself
relaxing along with her.

I then thought about when I gave birth to my
daughter.  Ah yes, of course, just like
contractions.  They come in those waves and then
you have a rest period until the next one.  It
appeared that she was going through a similar
process.  I remembered from my hospice days that
I was truly acting as a midwife for Mom.  I was
helping her to make her transition out of her
body, into spirit, just as a midwife or doctor
helped her into her life and out of her mother’s
body 95 years before.

What a beautiful mystery, this letting go.  I
think if we can all consciously learn “to die” we
would be so much better off.  Not just to
physically die so much as to allow outdated and
limiting baggage within us to go, to die and be
released.  We can consciously learn to surrender
to the force of change, and to trust that God is
always with us, supporting us through it all.
Letting go makes space for new life, for new
beginnings and for something more supportive and
more life-enhancing to occur within us.

I’m sure I went through a death of sorts myself
on that trip.  I surrendered to my love for Mom,
releasing judgments about her and others, and
experiencing the necessary oneness that comes
from choosing to awaken and live life from the
heart.  I came home and felt utterly changed.  As
I drove from the airport to my house I felt like
I was on another planet.  Six months later, I can
see that my planet is the same one I have lived
on all these years, yet the beauty I see daily is
more vivid, and my gratitude for life’s lessons
grows daily.

Where do you need to relax and let go?  What part
of you is “dying” and transforming into something
more supportive and empowered? Are you fighting
the upsets and changes in your life?  Are you        
frozen by fear about what is coming next?

Sometimes relaxing into what “is” is the first step   
to creating something different and better.  Could
you learn how to use the energy of change to your
benefit, instead of resisting it and creating more
tension and dis-ease?

Effective Tools to Help with Your Changes and
Challenges

I’ve talked to a lot of people who have had some fears
about the future lately.  (and me too!) How about you?

Are you anxious with the changes in your life?  Do you
have trouble sleeping because of the rolling thoughts
in your head?  Do you feel indecisive and confused
about the steps to take on your life path?

Maybe you just need some fresh tools and a little guidance
to help you move forward with more ease and confidence.
There are as many ways to get some support and
tools as there are people in the world.  You have
to choose what works for you.  Many people have
benefited from the books, music and courses that
I teach. 

If you haven’t already, take a look at the “Catch the Breeze”
Telecourse. 
 http://www.themagnificentyou.com/catch.html

Perhaps you can’t commit to a 7-week course at this time.
Intentional music is one of the most effective
tools for dealing with change.  It helps you to
easily change negative thinking to positive.  If
you haven’t already seen my super summer
special, take a look now. I’ve got 3 for the
price of 1!  (includes 2 books and 3 intentional
music CD’s).  Effective tools for change and
living your best life are at:

http://themagnificentyou.com/summerspecial.html

This offer ends September 1, 2008

Whatever you decide to do for yourself right now,
be sure to create joy and love in your life.
This will help immensely to diminish the
fears and anxiety you carry within.

Many blessings to you,
Marcia Breitenbach

Anyone who wants to participate does so at 7:00 to 8:00 pm in their own time zone, thus creating the wave of vibrations travelling around the Earth during a 24-hour period.
1.  At 7pm on June 18, do something that brings you love and joy (prayer, meditation, chanting, surfing) and dedicate it to the Earth and all its inhabitants.
 
2. Send this information to your loved ones around the world.
 
3. E-mail us, info@actonwisdom.com <http://us.f624.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=info@actonwisdom.com> , so that we can include you and your loved ones on our WAVE1 world map.
 
 
 
To learn more about WAVE1, please visit our website: http://www.wave1.org <http://www.wave1.org/> . 
 
Together, we will give the Earth a hug, in the spirit of love and joy!

Well, just come away from what you’re doing for a moment with me.  Let’s go onto my back porch.  The first thing I do is I take off the old pale purple flannel sheet that I put over the flower pots last night before bed.  It’s still chilly out, but it’s going to warm up fast today and I want to give the flowers a chance to soak up some of this delicious sun.

I see the soil is getting dry, so I’ll water them in a few minutes.  But first I lean over to smell the purple and white flowers that are still blooming.   Since summer!  I don’t know their name, I just know they fill me with smiles everytime I smell them.  Their stems are bent over from the weight of the sheet.  I know that with some fresh water and the warmth, they’ll be stretching upwards soon.

Next, I go and sit down against the wall, my face to the sun.  The stone at my back is really cold, and feels perfect with the heat on my face.  A cold nose brushes my hand and I open my eyes to see one of my dogs.  He climbs onto my lap and we both inhale deeply, delighting in the fresh air and the luxury of sitting together, peacefully drinking in the sun’s rays.  I look down at the top of his head and marvel at the miracle of his beauty.  His ears and the top of his head are so smooth, like velvet.  The red, the brown, the blond and the white hairs all blend and shine together under my tender hands.  I am in awe of the perfection of color, texture and how all the little hairs are each sitting where they’re supposed to be.  My heart fills with gratitude for having this perfect moment.

It is a very simple thing, really, isn’t it?  To take a few minutes from our day and to focus on the details of nature, some part of God’s creation?  The benefits are extraordinary:  by bringing your focus to the details, not the details of all your “doing” but the details of your “being,” you improve your health on all levels.  It is a form of meditation.  Your heart rate slows, your breathing deepens, your senses come alive, you remove yourself from the negative energies around you, and you open a space inside for healing and gratitude.  There are other benefits to be gleaned from this simple exercise. 

So go ahead, take a few moments and go outside and really study a flower or a leaf.  Breathe deeply.  Get into the details.  Give it a try and let me know what you discover!

Many blessings!

Do you sense a theme here?  Financial abundance and prosperity.  Although I had other things on my mind, I certainly was using a lot of intent, energy and focus to create a greater flow of cash.

As someone who is very upbeat and optimistic, it didn’t get me down that things weren’t improving much over the year.  I knew that patience was required and that the Universe has a rhythm and timing for everything.

I worked on several projects during the year, putting in huge amounts of time, energy and some money for some of them.  Most of them fell apart or doors closed up.  As entrepreneurs, we are taught to be persistent and not give up.  As humans, we are also taught that “when one door or window closes, another opens up.”  I subscribe to both of these, so I continued despite the appearances before me that things weren’t working in a positive direction. 

I got a very clear message one day to just stop and be still.  To listen.  So I did, and I realized fairly quickly that although I had been including my spiritual self in my daily doings, I wasn’t taking time to just BE with God.  And, another thing I learned is that by putting so much energy and time into creating financial prosperity, I was forgetting the fact that I am not in charge of this whole experience.  I am a co-creator.

You’ve got to understand that this is a little more subtle than I make it sound.  Because if you know me, or if you were to spend a day with me last year, you would see me expressing gratitude to God for all that I have, taking time to appreciate the beauty of nature, being compassionate and kind to others and myself, and doing many things most would call “spiritual.”

This is not the same thing, though, as consciously connecting with God daily, and with an attitude of “whoo-hoo, I get to co-create this beautiful day with God again, how blessed I am!”  No, it was more that I was thinking about how I was going to go about accomplishing the various tasks on my list, and creating my day and my future.  It was all about being “in charge” and on task.  It was about “ego” working with the Law of Attraction, and focussing mostly on money.

Now, putting more focus on spirit is not a new concept.  Depending on your spiritual leanings, this may sound like great common sense, or nonsense.  I am not out to convince anyone about God and how things work in this amazing Universe.  I simply want to share something personal that I think will work for some of you too.

So, that day when I stopped, I decided that because what I was doing was not working well in the financial realm, that I would take some time to listen to what God was wanting me to hear and to do.

My goodness, how things have been changing since I did this!  I began that day to put God first.  To some of you, you might be laughing and saying, “well, of course!”  What this looks like for me is that I go to spend time in a room away from phones and computers with God and the angels (and usually my dogs come along for the ride too), before I go to work.  I used to turn on my computer first thing in the morning.  By not doing so now, I signal to my Higher Self and to God that I have changed my priorities.

Now this alone has felt wonderful.  Because by taking time to align with God and with my higher purpose, I am more likely to begin my day balanced and consciously in a co-creative state, rather than in an ego-based “I can do this” state.  Everyone’s time with God or with Spirit may look a little different.

Each day I use some part of that time to just sit quietly, to say some prayers, and then to open to listening to God’s voice.  Usually I don’t hear any direct messages at this time, they usually come later during the day, from ideas and inspirations that pop into my head, things that others say to me, or from the myriad of ways that we can be open to hearing messages from God.  I know I am certainly more open to this “voice” because of my morning alignment time.

Part of my God-time might be spent in singing a song, a song about God, or about surrender.  Perhaps it’s a song about the joys of nature, or about living life fully.  Or I might read an inspirational passage, and I almost always use my angel cards to get a message from them.

I have understood during this time of reflection and being more in tune with my spiritual self that I wasn’t off base in wanting to have financial abundance in my life.  There is nothing wrong with that in the context of a fulfilling and happy life.  I do believe, though, that with my intent now on being as happy and as healthy as I can be, along with the intent to serve God and my highest purpose, I am in a much stronger position to receive financial abundance.    Another piece that was missing for me is the way I was going about it, and not being conscious enough of the co-creation aspect.

Also, I believe I have not been in full alignment with the work I need to be doing.  That is in a period of evolution right now.  Some new and wonderful service work has recently emerged, and that will certainly feed my spirit.

So, I believe as a result of my shift in focus, miracles are happening.  My health is improving rapidly, I’m happier and my bankbook is growing!  Recently an endeavor that I began last year with an ad company online (not adsense or anything like that) is paying off big time.  All of a sudden, and I do mean suddenly, I am receiving wonderful checks from this company.  It was quite synchronous that this began to happen after I surrendered and brought God more into my life.  Would it have happened anyway?  Probably, and yet I also believe there is a connection as well.  For any of you who have a website and would like to hear more about this company, please just send me an email.  You too can start earning some fabulous income from this.

Putting God or Spirit back into my life, or taking this spiritual part of me to a new level has also been about opening my mind and my heart even more. It is bringing me more joy, peace and prosperity than I could have imagined last year.

If this speaks to you, if you’ve been struggling at achieving greater financial ease, please do listen to me.  If you’re not sure you are doing the work that is aligned with God and your higher purpose, then just slow down.  Allow yourself some time to align with your spiritual self, whatever that definition is for you, each morning.  If that means getting up a half an hour earlier to do this, give it a try.  Making a conscious practice of doing this, just as you have created the practice of washing up and brushing your teeth in the morning, is fairly easy to do. 

Now, there’s another practice that I began to do when I stopped in my tracks a few months ago.  I’ll save that for another blog.  I do believe that practice, that I’m calling “Life Review” for now, has also contributed to this greater flow of health and prosperity that is coming my way. 

Life truly is a mystery, and I don’t have all the answers by any means.  We each have to come up with the daily recipe for a healthy and happy life that works for us.  However, I do know that we are in a tremendous year for growth and change.  There is incredible spiritual energy and help available to all of us right now.  There is a window open and I encourage you to step through with me.  Open your arms to receive the love, joy and magnificent life that you deserve!

If you have a website or business and want to learn how to integrate your marketing with your spirituality, you’ll be interested in the work of my friends and colleagues, Judith and Jim.  They are excellent teachers and models for this evolving trend in marketing.

You can attend some free teleclasses to learn more, and they’ll also inform you of their upcoming conference in Los Angeles.

To get access to their free calls and more info, you can go to:

http://tinyurl.com/yuexou

I think it’s a great idea for all of us to hold
that image in our heads for the New Year.  With
all the chaos around the world, the divisiveness
at home in the U.S., and whatever is going on in
your local communities or personal life, making a
conscious choice to see people, strangers
especially, not as faceless individuals who
aren’t important to you and your life, but rather
as neighbors, good neighbors who wish you well.
The benefits of doing this for yourself and the
good vibrations it sends out into the world are
awesome.

I was at the bank this morning, and went through
the drive-in part to make a deposit.  I put my
deposit into the capsule and sent it whooshing
into the bank via that pipe.  As I was sitting
there, the bank clerk happened to look up and
glance my way.  I waved at her and smiled, and I
felt a difference in myself as I did this.  I
really felt a sense of connectedness with her as
my human neighbor.  It’s hard to explain, but it
was just a confirmation for me of the change in
perspective I’m making.  In that brief moment, it
was a recognition, really, of that woman as my
good neighbor, as another partner on the planet.
In that past, I might have done the same thing,
but with a much more impersonal feeling.  It
would have been more of a polite gesture than
anything else.

Opening our hearts to ourselves and to each other
can come in small ways like this heart-felt wave
to the bank teller.  It can come in the gratitude
I felt over the Christmas holidays when I visited
some of my family in California.  I was able to
meet my nephew’s little boy because he was given
a liver transplant last year that saved his life.
Someday I might need a transplant, and who
knows, maybe that bank teller might be the one to
save my life!

I’m so much into the goodwill of the holiday
season that I have delayed in taking down my
Christmas tree (it helps that it’s a live tree,
otherwise this would be a fire hazard
extraordinaire!).  The lights and decorations on
the tree help me to connect with that peaceful
place in my heart each night.  Who knows, I may
leave this tree up a long time…I suspect
though, that the tree itself may be wanting to
move outdoors sooner than later!

Wishing you a blessed year of many wonderful
connections with all your neighbors too!

Marianne was one of my clients, a middle-aged woman whose husband had died the previous year. She had gone through the first holiday season, one year ago, in a state of numbness after the unexpected death of her husband in November.

As she looks back at that time, she realizes she had a kind of protective cushion around her, with all the paperwork taking up much of her time, as well as having a lot of family and friends around to distract her from the silence and stillness.

Now, one year later, there are no more protective buffers keeping her at bay from the intense feelings of grief, and the loneliness. She, like many others, approaches the holidays with anxiety and dread.

What You Can Do

First of all, you have more than two choices here. If you are having a hard time facing the upcoming holidays, whichever ones you celebrate, there are some guidelines to lessen your anxiety and to make things easier on yourself.

You can choose to avoid the holidays altogether. This is difficult, as there may be family and friends who become burdensome with their need for more and more explanations regarding your decision. However, if you decide you are going to choose this route, plan something for yourself that will at least have the potential for enjoyment. This could be holing up in your house for a week, with your favorite foods, some rented movies, and walks in the woods; it could be a trip to an exotic land where you will have the distractions of foreign language, foods and locale.

Be sure to alert your family and friends to your decision, requesting that they give you the space to be alone and do what you need to do. If, however, you are clinically depressed, and/or suicidal, this option is a bad idea. Seek professional help immediately. You deserve to feel better.

Option two is to do the holidays, but to do them differently. Facing the approaching holidays when you are grieving brings on a feeling of heaviness, and to some, even suffocation. Partly, this is due to our expectations about what the holiday should look like, based on past events. We remember all the things we usually do, the preparations that take lots of enthusiasm, thought, and energy, things you may feel short of at the moment.

What has worked for many people over the years is changing the holiday expectations by changing the rituals involved. Instead of getting a tree and trimming it in the usual way, someone may choose instead to buy a small table tree, and just do minimal decorations. This requires much less energy and still can bring the beauty of the holiday into the house.

Others decide to do away with trees and decorations altogether. They may decide to have a family dinner and go out to a movie instead. Another person may decide to ask family or friends to bring a tree and decorate it for them.

One of the most difficult things for many women is thinking about planning and preparing big traditional meals. No problem, don’t do it. Ask someone else to be in charge of this and your job is just to show up, that is, if you decide you want to. You can prepare a side dish if you really feel like you want to contribute.

If you decide to choose option two, you will need to consult with others in your household. If you have children, give them an opportunity to offer suggestions. They may have some better ideas than you!

Option three is to keep things the same, and to prepare the way you normally would. Many people who choose this option find that they wear themselves out and end up disappointed with the results. If you choose this option, be flexible, as you may find that you have less energy than you thought you did. Be prepared to accept alterations, when necessary.

What Did Marianne Do?

Marianne listened as I told her about others who changed their holidays to suit their inner needs. She realized that because she was changing inside with the grief, that it was appropriate to have a different holiday as well.

l) First of all, she decided to “play it by ear.” She realized that she didn’t have to stick to her plan, but could make last minute changes if needed.

2) She gave herself permission to simplify. Even if you’re not grieving, this is a good idea. In her case, she decided not to send out holiday cards, to ask her friends to cook the holiday meal, and she ordered just a few gifts online, thus avoiding the holiday shopping frenzy altogether.

3) She gave herself permission to say “no.” This was not easy for her, but she did it anyway, and avoided going to some holiday functions that she really didn’t want to attend.

4) She created a new holiday ritual to honor the memory of her husband. She asked her family to donate money to her favorite charities instead of giving her gifts. She also asked for friends and family to take time to create a ‘memory card’ that she then hung on her tree. The memory card was simply a handmade card that held a handwritten memory about her husband.

5) She decided to create some special times for herself during the holidays to commune with God. In her case, this was by setting up a few hikes with a friend, in the desert near her home. She knew that Nature was healing and felt that it was important to give herself some special healing time.

6) Marianne knew that the holidays would go better if she stayed in touch with herself and her feelings. She was wise enough to know that if she tried to push away the grief, it would only grow and push out in another direction. So, she decided that when sadness came up, she’d take a breath, acknowledge the feeling and allow it to sweep through her. She realized the tears could come at any time, and she was willing to let them flow. She’d had enough experience to know that when she did this, she felt better quicker than when she tried to control the flow.

7) She also knew that helping someone else would help her with her grief. She chose to donate some time at a women’s shelter and found that this not only took her outside of her own situation, but it also did someone else some real good. She knew this was another way to honor her husband’s memory, by giving to someone else in need.

Remember, grief is a normal response to loss and change. It is a natural healing process that takes time. We are forever changed by the losses, especially deaths, in our lives. Our goal should not be to “get over grief,” but rather to allow ourselves to be moved and changed by the grief, learning how to incorporate the loss in our hearts and lives as we re-define our lives.

It’s ok to grieve during the holidays because it is an acknowledgement of the change in your life and it will aid you in your healing journey. Be gentle with yourself, surrounding yourself with people who love you and who will allow you to be just where you are in each moment. Find the courage to move forward, one step at a time, and to choose to be grateful for the good things in your life.

I’ve Had a Rough Year: How About You?

I also share part of my personal story with you, because I know it will help you to understand me better, and I believe it will help you to understand yourself better too.

If you’ve been struggling at all this year, whether it’s with your health, finances, business, or relationships, you are not alone, and I know some things that might help you.

I have had a really meager year in terms of business. Most of you don’t know me, so just know that I am a very dedicated person to learning more about myself, the world, and to following my passion and my mission.

I thought I was doing the work I was supposed to be doing, and I had been taking marketing courses to learn how to get my work out there.  I had been putting into action the steps I had been learning and feeling confident and enthusiastic.

I understood that growing a business takes time, and I was patient.

Sometimes the Best Tools, Thoughts and Beliefs Aren’t Enough

I had been working diligently to get my business going. I had great enthusiasm for learning and putting tools into practice. I was one of the most positive people you’d want to meet, and I was putting the law of attraction to work with ease.  This law had worked well for me in the past.  However, there was something missing because I wasn’t attracting a financial flow.

The Law of Attraction Wasn’t Working as I Taught It

I also spent a year working on my subconscious beliefs that might sabotage all those great efforts. Sometime this year, probably right after the summer, I began to have doubts. Big doubts. I saw that all the right tools weren’t working for me. They seemed to work for my clients. Why not me?

I began to get discouraged and to question whether I was in the right line of work. I was consciously aware that this fear and doubt would actively prevent any prosperity.  By fear’s very nature, its vibration pulls to you the things you don’t want to attract.

Yet I could hear my clients’ voices in my ears, or workshop attendees, and people who had gotten my books and music. They loved what I did. And I loved what I did. So how could I be on the wrong path?

I finally realized that God and the Universe were sending me an important message, and apparently I wasn’t getting it. They (and I) were bringing me to a standstill so that I could LISTEN.

If we aren’t listening very well, the Universe will stop us. For some, this comes through an illness. For me, it was getting my attention via my pocketbook.

In all my doing, doing, doing and visioning my “dream,” I was leaving no time to really connect with my Higher Self, God and the inner guidance that is there for us if we give it space. Oh sure, I’d spend some time every day in prayer, gratitude, and certainly lots of visioning, scripting and living in the desired reality as if it were already true. 

But this was not true listening time. This was not coming from a real desire to connect with that inner voice. I was too busy talking to God, the Universe and myself, telling us where we were going!

How Are You Spending Your Time Every Day?

So, here’s the part that will help you. If you are struggling, first you need to look at how you are spending your time.

Do you give yourself, on a daily basis, quiet time, with no distractions, to listen, to meditate, pray, and be still?

If not, and you’re serious about following your life’s purpose and mission, then you might want to restructure your day. You have to provide a better balance of “doing” and “being.”  Making my connection to God my first priority, and to listening, not just talking TO God, but making time to be receptive and still (yes, not moving at all!) has made all the difference to me.

So, what was God trying to tell me? Why did I co-create with God a virtual stopping of business to get my attention?

I Wasn’t in Alignment with God and My Purpose

It was so I would first realize I was not in alignment or in direct communion with God. To remind me that I am co-creating this life, and am not doing it all on my own. I really forgot that principle, even though in many ways anyone looking at my life and my actions would have thought I was aligned with the Universe and very grateful. Gratitude was not enough.

The Fear of Music

So, what’s this got to do with the fear of music, Marcia? Well, the reason I needed to come to a full stop in my life was because I was praying and had been praying for years for God to make me an instrument of peace and healing.

Yet, I chose to ignore and not fully receive the gift of music that was given to me as a means for peace and healing.

Yes, I have been afraid to let music fully into my heart and my life. And last week, I had a breakthrough and I wanted to share this with you, because you have chosen to be part of this Songletter community.

Where Did the Fear Come From?

30 years ago, I was a college student majoring in music. I was going to be a music teacher. I was in my 2nd year at the University, and one of my professors (who had a chip on his shoulder because I always got a perfect score on his music exams, and he probably had some antiquated views on women) told me that I wasn’t “good enough to be in the music program and that I was probably just there, like so many young women, to look for a husband.”

 I know, I can see your disbelief and shock that anyone would say that, and could get away with it! However, that was 30 years ago, and he probably said much worse than that to others. Being the meek and “trusting authority” type I was back then, I didn’t question his opinion, and I switched to a new major. (French, of all things–and then 10 years after that I would go back to school again to get my Master’s in a body/mind psychotherapy).

I was angry with him, but didn’t have the communication skills to defend myself. Of course, over time I was also able to see the gift in his action, and how he was an agent of change for me.

His message made a big impression on me, and combined with other internal messages that I had already accepted about my unworthiness, it helped to create a strong and limiting belief. I have consciously worked over the years to transform the “not good enough” voice within me.

New layers of this voice began to surface this past year, and I saw evidence in my business efforts. As a result of this experience, I have never been comfortable calling myself a musician: I have used various terms to describe myself when doing presentations…often self-deprecating and that minimize any gift I have.

Music is Expensive to Produce

Secondly, I feared to own this gift because I learned when I began to record my music that it was expensive to do so. I figured if I avoid picking up the guitar, or sitting down at the keyboard, then I won’t have too much music waiting to be recorded.

Most people don’t know how expensive it is to record. If you aren’t a musician that has your own studio, you must rent one, and the studio engineer. That’s can be anywhere from $60 to a $100 an hour. Then I pay the musicians who must come to the studio, usually 2 hours each, to record their parts. After that, you have an editing session or sessions. And finally, the engineer master’s the album, doing all the finishing touches. You also have graphics fees and duplication costs.  It can cost $1,000 per song by the time all is said and done. So, with a 12-song album, that’s about $12,000. More complex music than mine can cost much more.

I am fortunate that I go to a studio where the sound engineer charges a very reasonable fee and he is excellent and quick at what he does. 

As my savings dwindled over the years, to pay for this music, I began to shut down the creative flow. I put my guitar in the closet and would only bring it out to do talks or workshops, or on occasion, when I let the creative door open a crack, and a new song would pop out.

You probably imagined the Songletter Lady sits with her guitar daily, or at least several times a week. It would be more accurate to say it is closer to a handful of times a year, when I let that door open for the creation of new music.

Whew! That takes a lot of energy to keep that door closed. And how sad to not open to my gift, because of the fear of being overwhelmed by the financial cost to share it with the world! I also didn’t listen to a lot of music, because that would stir the juices as well.

It’s All Good! Everything Happens for a Reason and in Divine Timing

All happens for a reason, I am convinced. And, I was brought to this point in time, to be able to fully accept the gift that was given to me as a child. I cried with gratitude as I faced those fears last week, and truly owned those shadows within.  I hadn’t really acknowledged what I was doing to myself.

I am just grateful that I am now accepting more fully what will be a true blessing for the rest of my life.

It’s not that music hasn’t been a blessing already. I know that I have been healed by the music I have written. And I’ve had so many tell me of how healing, soothing and moving my music has been for them.

It’s a question of degrees here. By shutting down and trying to control the flow of music, I shut myself off from greater passion and purpose. And I can feel my whole Being just singing in delight that I have chosen to receive fully and truly become a magnificent instrument for peace and healing that I was meant to be. This doesn’t mean that I stop being a teacher, a counselor and coach, and whatever else unfolds on my journey. By straightening out my priorities, I will be an even better teacher. I will have a greater understanding for my clients who have been brought to their knees because I too have learned a different form of surrender.

Already there is a wonderful shift in my life, as my priorities have changed and new Blessings have begun to flow in my life. As we enter this Thanksgiving week, I feel incredibly blessed for each and every lesson and experience I have had this year.

And, of course, now that I have allowed myself to open to Music more, I have new songs already that are flowing through. One is about letting go and surrender (it’s a beautiful chant that is bringing me such peace every day).  Guess what? I’m not afraid about how the next album will be produced. A colleague got his last album produced very creatively, and I’ll give that a try. Plus, a friend said, “Maybe you could think about some other musicians who might want to record some of your music. You would let them produce and record them.”

I’m sure there are many creative ways to get music from the paper to the CD that I don’t know about yet. I trust that now that I am “on the right track,” that I will be shown many ways and be given help and guidance along the way.

Give Yourself Some Real Listening Time and You’ll See A Shift Too

If you have been having a tough time lately, I highly suggest you make yourself stand still before the Universe does it for you. Take some time, at the beginning of your day, to connect with the Divine within.

Breathe deeply, ask your questions, and give gratitude for the answers and clarity that will come, even if it’s not in that particular moment. And be quiet, really be still.

I know that’s hard for many of us, and, with time, you will fall gratefully into that stillness and quiet.  Pay attention during the day and night to thoughts and ideas that come to you and ones that may come over and over. These ideas are often guidance and inspiration from Spirit to help you align with your purpose and mission.

Choose Balance

This goes along with priorities, and may be obvious, yet it’s something I still have to remind myself daily to choose. To choose balance in my life is not an occasional thought. It is a necessity. If I sit at my computer most of the day, and don’t take breaks and intersperse other activites in the mix, then I will move into serious imbalance.  I have to get out into the world and not isolate myself in my home office.  It’s important for me to be in touch, and in physical contact with others, and opening to the various opportunities to serve the world.  I must keep in focus the importance of play and time to nourish my whole being, whether it’s in nature or through creating playdates with my friends.  And, of course, now you can see my guitar being played frequently, and my keyboard is uncovered and happy to feel my fingers there.  I even started taking some vocal lessons again.

We create dis-ease and illness in our lives when we aren’t making a conscious effort daily to create a balanced spirit, mind, body and heart. Sometimes my dog comes in and barks at me to let me know it’s time to do something else. In the past, I could get away with getting out of balance a bit. I don’t believe the Universe is as forgiving these days. We’re all being challenged to consciously co-create our lives with more balance, joy and purpose. Today, not tomorrow or next week.

I wish you well as you create the balance that works for you in your life now. If you would like to leave a comment, or shoot me an email if this means something to you, please do. I would love to hear from you.

Many blessings,
Marcia B.
The Songletter Lady

Take a look at some exciting and awesome workshops coming up in southern California.  One of them is on October 28th, 2007 and will be facilitated by my friend and colleague Dr. Meg Haworth.  It is entitled “Earth School:  Life Lessons from Your Soul.” To learn more and to register go to:

http://www.LifeLessonsFromYourSoul.com

The other one on November 14, 2007 in LA and November 16th, 2007 in San Diego is called, “Mindful and Magnificent Change:  7 Breakthrough Energy Tools to Ease Change and Challenges.  I will be facilitating this all-day seminar (CEU’s available) and you can learn more and register at:

http://www.themagnificentyou.com/calif.html

Space is limited at these locations, so register early.  We hope to see you there!

Right now, she is allowing you free access, so you might want to run over there right now and check it out.

This free access runs from September 28th through October 4th.  You just go to http://www.serenitypathways.com/vs/ and then enter in the user name: trialaccess and the password: free.

Enjoy,

Marcia Breitenbach